Sometimes creating is the only way I'm certain I'm still alive.

I'm not high right now, I promise.

First off, OMG THANK YOU FOR SUBSCRIBING.

I have been battling a terrible case of self-doubt and I was certain it would just be me here alone. Thank you for reminding me that art and writing and all forms of creating are important…both to appreciate and experience.

Lately I’ve felt…undone. Some of that is because Hailey has moved out and so many of the important daily things that made up my life are just gone. Or maybe not gone, but changed. I’m letting go of the “Is your retainer in?” and “Did you do your homework?” and moving to “I’m letting you make your own mistakes and have independence even though it’s killing me” while also texting a picture of Dorothy Barker every day so I at least have proof-of-life in the form of read receipts. It’s getting better, but I still feel untethered.

I see myself disappear a little all of the time because of life or change or depression. I prioritize everything ahead of the things that make me fulfilled or happy or just…more me. Why is it so hard to remember that the person responsible for taking care of me is me?