THIS IS WHERE I LIVE SOMETIMES

I know it's not pretty.

Most of the time my art is a meditation or medication…a way of passing time through the dangerous hours, or celebrating joy, or finding myself…but this week was hard. I was dealing with a whirlwind of negative compulsive thoughts and my head was a place I didn’t want to stay in and the last thing I wanted to do was make art.

Until suddenly it was the only thing I wanted to do, because I remembered that some of my favorite pieces are the ones where I don’t force myself to get better and instead just let the pain out in the way it wants to be seen.

Messy. Jagged. Unapologetic. Strange.

And for the first time in almost 24 hours of compulsive thoughts and nightmares I was able to carve it all into the paper and leave it there…at least a little…enough to stop the cycle for a few hours and restart my head.

Sometimes I forget that this is what art is too…not always pretty or productive or inviting. It’s sometimes ugly and scary and embarrassing. It’s real and uncomfortable.

And so today I’m sending love to everyone who knows what it’s like to sometimes live in the toothy jaw of fear, or the terrible mouth of madness, or in a place that doesn’t always seem to want you alive. I’m sending strength to those who want to scream into the dark.

You are not alone. I super crazy love you.

And if you’ve never been to those dark places, I love you too.

Either way, thank you for being here because I wouldn’t have pushed myself to do this without knowing that you were waiting, and it was exactly what I needed.

I needed the red to complete it for myself, but here’s the original so you can do whatever you want with it. Paint it in pastels. Draw the monster a bow and tame him to be your protector. Feed your angry thoughts to his hungry mouth so they have someplace to go.

This is art. It is whatever you need it to be.

And thank god for that.

Hugs,

Jenny