I've been through a lot of what you're going through (including the move). It was a rough four years medically, geographically, financially, and emotionally. I wasn't even supposed to live to see 2023. I often felt like it would never end. I almost gave up so many times because trying to stay positive is exhausting and painful.
Then I'd read something you posted and it gave me that push to say "f it" I don't need to stay positive and productive all the time. I'd go curl up and nap or play a video game or read a book and stop thinking about everything for a moment.
I'd emerge feeling a little less overwhelmed. A little less down. A little more like me. Your posts kept reminding me it's okay to not do anything — which kept me fighting to get through it all the stuff life was throwing at me.
So may my comment and all the comments that are sure to follow remind you it's okay to not do anything for a bit. It's okay to not post. It's okay to not unpack. It's okay to just sit on the curb and talk to a big, fat orange cat until you're ready to start fighting again.
It's going to suck. A lot. Not just for the month. It is going to suck for a while. Find the joy in the little things. Do the things that make you smile. Keep fighting....but at your own pace. I promise it makes a difference. I'm (unexpectedly) living proof.
Sorry this was wordy...but my heart apparently needed to speak.
I had a massive cancer scare in 2017 but it wasn't cancer, "just" an 8cm cyst plus extra fluid after 10+ years of doctors telling me I was a hypochondriac and wasn't really in pain. That was also the year I finally got a doctor to test me for Hermansky Pudlak Syndrome (10 years of refusals prior) and it came back positive. So I got away without cancer but that diagnosis was "You have several years to live but not twenty". I try to seize life between the crap and when things (like politics and climate change) are really bleak, I comfort myself with the thought that I won't be around to see the full impact. And I'm re-reading Terry Pratchett via audiobooks. I adore his Death, which reminds me of the Russian fairytale about Death being imprisoned so people suffered until Death was freed.
We make the best of what we have and take comfort where we can.
Pratchett told us who he is in every book. I don’t like his tendency to fat shame or use size for humor, but apart from that he’s brilliant. And, I think, years ahead of his time. He was, ideologically, a socialist, and against racism etc. These days his ideology is more commonly accepted. I wonder if he paved the way for others, making it easier to get published while criticising kings and oligarchs. I highly recommend! Also, I found a “Discworld reading order” online. Although I’ve read them all before, I’m really enjoying picking a theme, like the Witches, Night Watch, Industrial, etc, and following those specific story arcs instead of reading the books in order of publication. I highly recommend!
My ongoing motto is to do the best I can with what I've got to work with. And if I encounter one of those horridly negative people who try to ruin my day, I have to pause, center myself, take a deep breath, and wash them right out of my hair.
My last move I waited until the day before to pack. I was completely paralyzed. I had just bought an apartment, it was mine and I still was paralyzed. I thought it’ll be fine. Eventually, the landlord of this rental will throw me out, with all my furniture onto the street. Strangers will come and pick over the bones of my possessions until I’m just left sleeping on a cardboard box. At which point Social services will come, and bring me to a shelter where they will give me food and a bed. And that was preferable to packing and moving. 💗
I know that feeling oh too well. I got to the point where I had to hire someone to pack for me because I just couldn't do it. Glad yo're now done with the move. Have you finished unpacking?
Ha! I have. I made that move 18 years ago and have been a constant cycle of drag cool shit & books home / purge & donate cool shit & books. I finally painted last year. One room. The other still have holes where the previous owner had custom cabinetry. I spackled some of it, but not all of it. I’m a WIP. 😉.
I'm looking around at my stacks of boxes from my move a month ago and know it's going to take a very long time. I'm okay with that. Even if it is 18 years.
I can identify. My last move, last year, was supposed to be my last. Then weeks after we moved in, we discovered the house is really badly built with NO firewalls (fire safety noncompliance for the shared wall and, according to a Victorian Building Authority blog post in Feb 2025, noncompliance issues for every external and boundary wall) and other serious noncompliance issues. A year after settlement and moving in, our focus is on getting expert reports and lawyers to prepare to take the developer to court.
After deciding this would be my last house and epic relief that I'd never move again AND unpacking everything, I can't wait to get out of here into a house that is compliant. Sadly, I may not live long enough to see out the court case (someone recently told me they'd had a similar-ish case and were still fighting 10 years later) but I'm going to try.
By trying, I'm leaving a trail of evidence for all the other victims of what I believe is fraud and negligence. Government departments now have records. Investigations have begun. I'm taking comfort from the thought that what I do today may help hundreds of other people (there are 81 townhouses in my subdivision, presumably all built to similar standards, and the developer is planning another development with 600+ houses nearby. Without consequences, the standard of construction and conduct is unlikely to improve IMO).
So I'm in limbo, I loathe moving, but I am really looking forward to getting out of this house.
Also the developer advertises as an investment company and their advertising claims that, for their real estate/construction developments, they hire professionals who comply with legislation. Australia has laws about construction, investments, and advertising. You can betcha I've been talking to all the government departments I can think of, following every possible trail of accountability.
I remember unpacking a couple boxes and organizing it beautifully in a new space and then realizing there are five more boxes needing to be crammed in the same drawer and cupboards. And then I’m saying, I have too much shit and wondering where it all came from. We’ve moved 9 times since my hubby and I moved in together 24 years ago. If I was closer I would help you because there is nothing I love more than cleaning and organizing. (And fat orange cats and of course you! ) Stay strong my friend!
i know it will be hard but you set the precedent so... if victor can't feed the foxen, you can't feed mr chonky. i know. it sucks. but, if you give in, who knows what victor will decide to feed!
There was a stray Siamese cat in the neighborhood we moved from that we named “Mr. Naito”. He came around when we were packing and we moved from the west coast to the east, so I do not know what happened to him. I will never forget Mr. Naito. He was very sweet and comforted me when I was really sad. I think cats know things!
Way back in 2008, I posted on BlogHer, "Hey, I'm on Twitter," and you and an amazing group of women followed me, including Deb Rox, who has promised me bail money (I occasionally remind her of that and ask her to keep it handy). That made me feel so welcomed. You, Jenny, have endlessly brought us happiness, sharing your fantastic writing, your life and now your art with us. Thank you, very, very much. You utterly rule. Please know that you have deep, unwavering support from so many, including the quiet ones who just sit back and marvel. Sending you love, laughter, and super dark humor. (Like, seriously, I think moving is the worser of the news.) 😘❤️ xo
Its like a bunch of rays of sunshine among the clouds.
Today, my daughter had to put her cat down. She raised her from a kitten 18 years ago when she was still in middle school. So it's not been a good week leading up to this day, and the next week looks just as bad.
So, I get the feelings of being overwhelmed, and moving is one of the worst. I live in one room and the rest of my stuff is in storage and I still have too much to move. You will get through this, and I'm glad you have a place to move to.
Jenny. And I thought I had it bad today….not being able to prove I’m not a robot. Maybe I am🫢
Anyway……Don’t get too excited but I think orange chonky cat is your new guardian. He is there to make sure Everything and I mean Everything will turn out ok 💜
I don't know that moving is ever fun. We moved a bit when I was a kid, but I haven't moved too much since I've been on my own - think it's been 25+ years where I am now. My mom had a "moving mantra" - one for me, one for Goodwill, one for the trash! She also told me to always set up & make my bed as the FIRST THING in a new place. That way, you won't have to do it when you are totally pooped! I added - set up music second. 😉 If friends are helping you move, ask one of them to pick up food for y'all. Of course, this was before Uber Eats or Grub Hub.
Don't forget to take care of yourself. I will be sending you happy thoughts & virtual hugs!
Maybe moving is symbolic of going from one state to another new level of being. Leave the unnecessary, unlikable, and dreary stuff behind and go to a lighter, freer, more open space. As you do, the cancer will subside, the boxes you do not want to unpack can be given away, and you may remodel your life.
I commiserate. The past six months have been a constant stream of tumbling dominoes of death, medical crisis, more death, dementia and WTAFs?!! I had started referring to this phase of my life as my personal Greek Tragedy. Just when I was sure the last domino had fallen and the hideous shit was in our family's rear view mirror, I started helping my son buy the house across the street from me (good news, but as you can attest, stressful process), then my daughter called Friday in hysterics because of a new crisis. All I could do was laugh hysterically. Not the appropriate respond to her news. My Greek Tragedy has become a Mexican Soap Opera. In my wildest, weirdest dreams I could not make this shit up. Lean into the weirdness friend. You got this (again) girl and so do I!!! Hugs from across the Interwebs from a long time fan-friend, Dawn!
I've been through a lot of what you're going through (including the move). It was a rough four years medically, geographically, financially, and emotionally. I wasn't even supposed to live to see 2023. I often felt like it would never end. I almost gave up so many times because trying to stay positive is exhausting and painful.
Then I'd read something you posted and it gave me that push to say "f it" I don't need to stay positive and productive all the time. I'd go curl up and nap or play a video game or read a book and stop thinking about everything for a moment.
I'd emerge feeling a little less overwhelmed. A little less down. A little more like me. Your posts kept reminding me it's okay to not do anything — which kept me fighting to get through it all the stuff life was throwing at me.
So may my comment and all the comments that are sure to follow remind you it's okay to not do anything for a bit. It's okay to not post. It's okay to not unpack. It's okay to just sit on the curb and talk to a big, fat orange cat until you're ready to start fighting again.
It's going to suck. A lot. Not just for the month. It is going to suck for a while. Find the joy in the little things. Do the things that make you smile. Keep fighting....but at your own pace. I promise it makes a difference. I'm (unexpectedly) living proof.
Sorry this was wordy...but my heart apparently needed to speak.
Challenging and heartwarming.
I had a massive cancer scare in 2017 but it wasn't cancer, "just" an 8cm cyst plus extra fluid after 10+ years of doctors telling me I was a hypochondriac and wasn't really in pain. That was also the year I finally got a doctor to test me for Hermansky Pudlak Syndrome (10 years of refusals prior) and it came back positive. So I got away without cancer but that diagnosis was "You have several years to live but not twenty". I try to seize life between the crap and when things (like politics and climate change) are really bleak, I comfort myself with the thought that I won't be around to see the full impact. And I'm re-reading Terry Pratchett via audiobooks. I adore his Death, which reminds me of the Russian fairytale about Death being imprisoned so people suffered until Death was freed.
We make the best of what we have and take comfort where we can.
I'm glad you have several more years to live than expected. It definitely changes things and puts everything into perspective.
Pratchett is perfect to re-read. The books are just so comforting. I may just have to follow your lead.
Pratchett told us who he is in every book. I don’t like his tendency to fat shame or use size for humor, but apart from that he’s brilliant. And, I think, years ahead of his time. He was, ideologically, a socialist, and against racism etc. These days his ideology is more commonly accepted. I wonder if he paved the way for others, making it easier to get published while criticising kings and oligarchs. I highly recommend! Also, I found a “Discworld reading order” online. Although I’ve read them all before, I’m really enjoying picking a theme, like the Witches, Night Watch, Industrial, etc, and following those specific story arcs instead of reading the books in order of publication. I highly recommend!
So glad you are still here to share your wisdom. Thank you--be well.
Mr. Chonky did the typical cat welcome. "Here's my rear end for you." Hang in there Jenny!
An orange cat in the neighborhood (especially a fluffy, hefty one) should fix everything!
My dear Jenny, I am beaming so much love your direction through this sucky month. Hugs from Boston. I am here for you.
My ongoing motto is to do the best I can with what I've got to work with. And if I encounter one of those horridly negative people who try to ruin my day, I have to pause, center myself, take a deep breath, and wash them right out of my hair.
My last move I waited until the day before to pack. I was completely paralyzed. I had just bought an apartment, it was mine and I still was paralyzed. I thought it’ll be fine. Eventually, the landlord of this rental will throw me out, with all my furniture onto the street. Strangers will come and pick over the bones of my possessions until I’m just left sleeping on a cardboard box. At which point Social services will come, and bring me to a shelter where they will give me food and a bed. And that was preferable to packing and moving. 💗
I know that feeling oh too well. I got to the point where I had to hire someone to pack for me because I just couldn't do it. Glad yo're now done with the move. Have you finished unpacking?
Ha! I have. I made that move 18 years ago and have been a constant cycle of drag cool shit & books home / purge & donate cool shit & books. I finally painted last year. One room. The other still have holes where the previous owner had custom cabinetry. I spackled some of it, but not all of it. I’m a WIP. 😉.
Yay! Finally unpacking must have felt great
I'm looking around at my stacks of boxes from my move a month ago and know it's going to take a very long time. I'm okay with that. Even if it is 18 years.
I can identify. My last move, last year, was supposed to be my last. Then weeks after we moved in, we discovered the house is really badly built with NO firewalls (fire safety noncompliance for the shared wall and, according to a Victorian Building Authority blog post in Feb 2025, noncompliance issues for every external and boundary wall) and other serious noncompliance issues. A year after settlement and moving in, our focus is on getting expert reports and lawyers to prepare to take the developer to court.
After deciding this would be my last house and epic relief that I'd never move again AND unpacking everything, I can't wait to get out of here into a house that is compliant. Sadly, I may not live long enough to see out the court case (someone recently told me they'd had a similar-ish case and were still fighting 10 years later) but I'm going to try.
By trying, I'm leaving a trail of evidence for all the other victims of what I believe is fraud and negligence. Government departments now have records. Investigations have begun. I'm taking comfort from the thought that what I do today may help hundreds of other people (there are 81 townhouses in my subdivision, presumably all built to similar standards, and the developer is planning another development with 600+ houses nearby. Without consequences, the standard of construction and conduct is unlikely to improve IMO).
So I'm in limbo, I loathe moving, but I am really looking forward to getting out of this house.
Also the developer advertises as an investment company and their advertising claims that, for their real estate/construction developments, they hire professionals who comply with legislation. Australia has laws about construction, investments, and advertising. You can betcha I've been talking to all the government departments I can think of, following every possible trail of accountability.
I remember unpacking a couple boxes and organizing it beautifully in a new space and then realizing there are five more boxes needing to be crammed in the same drawer and cupboards. And then I’m saying, I have too much shit and wondering where it all came from. We’ve moved 9 times since my hubby and I moved in together 24 years ago. If I was closer I would help you because there is nothing I love more than cleaning and organizing. (And fat orange cats and of course you! ) Stay strong my friend!
i know it will be hard but you set the precedent so... if victor can't feed the foxen, you can't feed mr chonky. i know. it sucks. but, if you give in, who knows what victor will decide to feed!
There was a stray Siamese cat in the neighborhood we moved from that we named “Mr. Naito”. He came around when we were packing and we moved from the west coast to the east, so I do not know what happened to him. I will never forget Mr. Naito. He was very sweet and comforted me when I was really sad. I think cats know things!
Way back in 2008, I posted on BlogHer, "Hey, I'm on Twitter," and you and an amazing group of women followed me, including Deb Rox, who has promised me bail money (I occasionally remind her of that and ask her to keep it handy). That made me feel so welcomed. You, Jenny, have endlessly brought us happiness, sharing your fantastic writing, your life and now your art with us. Thank you, very, very much. You utterly rule. Please know that you have deep, unwavering support from so many, including the quiet ones who just sit back and marvel. Sending you love, laughter, and super dark humor. (Like, seriously, I think moving is the worser of the news.) 😘❤️ xo
Its like a bunch of rays of sunshine among the clouds.
Today, my daughter had to put her cat down. She raised her from a kitten 18 years ago when she was still in middle school. So it's not been a good week leading up to this day, and the next week looks just as bad.
So, I get the feelings of being overwhelmed, and moving is one of the worst. I live in one room and the rest of my stuff is in storage and I still have too much to move. You will get through this, and I'm glad you have a place to move to.
Jenny. And I thought I had it bad today….not being able to prove I’m not a robot. Maybe I am🫢
Anyway……Don’t get too excited but I think orange chonky cat is your new guardian. He is there to make sure Everything and I mean Everything will turn out ok 💜
I'm in the middle of a cross-country move. It sucks. I also want to hide in my car and cry.
And Fuck Cancer. Big virtual hugs.
I don't know that moving is ever fun. We moved a bit when I was a kid, but I haven't moved too much since I've been on my own - think it's been 25+ years where I am now. My mom had a "moving mantra" - one for me, one for Goodwill, one for the trash! She also told me to always set up & make my bed as the FIRST THING in a new place. That way, you won't have to do it when you are totally pooped! I added - set up music second. 😉 If friends are helping you move, ask one of them to pick up food for y'all. Of course, this was before Uber Eats or Grub Hub.
Don't forget to take care of yourself. I will be sending you happy thoughts & virtual hugs!
Sue
Maybe moving is symbolic of going from one state to another new level of being. Leave the unnecessary, unlikable, and dreary stuff behind and go to a lighter, freer, more open space. As you do, the cancer will subside, the boxes you do not want to unpack can be given away, and you may remodel your life.
I commiserate. The past six months have been a constant stream of tumbling dominoes of death, medical crisis, more death, dementia and WTAFs?!! I had started referring to this phase of my life as my personal Greek Tragedy. Just when I was sure the last domino had fallen and the hideous shit was in our family's rear view mirror, I started helping my son buy the house across the street from me (good news, but as you can attest, stressful process), then my daughter called Friday in hysterics because of a new crisis. All I could do was laugh hysterically. Not the appropriate respond to her news. My Greek Tragedy has become a Mexican Soap Opera. In my wildest, weirdest dreams I could not make this shit up. Lean into the weirdness friend. You got this (again) girl and so do I!!! Hugs from across the Interwebs from a long time fan-friend, Dawn!